this day and age

It is hard to feel worthy
of the things that bring me joy
when everything is crumbling
like the ancient walls of troy.

everything needs justified;
money is cut and held back
but it costs money for me these days
to find my way onto the right track

i need to be social,
i need to interact,
and i'm not trying to be difficult,
it is just a matter of fact.

cafes, pubs and shopping centres,
they all scare me so much i cry,
it takes money to conquer each one,
but everyone demands a reason why.

i don't want to be this broken,
i want to feel like i'm whole,
but society makes me feel guilty,
right to the deep depths of my soul.

hands tremble when i get on a bus
i can hardly get out the words
but i need to try and go places,
to feel comfortable among the birds.

The future makes me anxious,
I can hardly think at all,
future treatments and expectations,
it is hard to see anything but a fall.

It is hard to feel worthy,
when everything is a mess,
but I'm trying my best at everything
and I don't think I could give any less.