When Pump Came

insulin pump day,
they told us it would be X
but it became Y.
i wasn't ready for X
never mind ready for Y

Expectations and desires

Expectations and desires
they want this machine.
I hate that I need it.

Box. Folder. Paperwork.
Sign this. Promise that.
Everything will be ok,
they say but they always do.


Screech. Chair out. Move room.
Learn this. Read that. Everything
is going to change, now.

Not quite though. Not right now.
Live comes later. It only drips
air now, the alarms sound
with empty warnings that
pull at my heart. Failure.
Must learn. Live soon.

Expectations that it will work.
Desires because it has to.
There is no other option.